[geeks] FWD: [investigations at netauthority.org: Notification of Internet Violations]

[Jonathan Katz]

Mike wrote:
> Damnit Jon! I just snarfed milk all over my laptop!

At least it wasn't Diet Coke *points at Bill*

> So just what goat picture did they not like? :)

*shrug* they nailed goats.com earlier this week, so I figure
one of my acquaintainces via the goats mailing lists submitted
me thinking I'd fall for it. I think some of my random quotes
which pop up probably got to them. My main site is pretty
tame. The journal I keep is a bit more racy, but still *shrug*

Just for fun, I'll post all the "random" sayings here so
you don't have to hit "reload" at http://jonworld.com too
often. They probably belong on "jokes@" but these are
geeky jokes for the most part. I've de-html'd them for the
most part.

0	"Linux is only free if your time is worthless."
1	"... climbed these city walls only to be with you... and I still haven't found what I'm looking for."
2	"I am not a crook!"
3	"Thee meek may inherit the earth. The rest of us will seize the stars."
4	"They aren't going to make a book 'e10k administration for dummies'!"
5	"... you only want the ones you can't have, Desperado ..."
6	"My daemon beat up your penguin!"
7	"I've got seven women on my mind... 4 that want to stone me, 2 that want to own me. One says she's a friend of mine."
8	"Your assignment is to get a date with someone in your next class!"
	"There are no chicks in my COBOL class, dude!"
9	"Your life is such a shame, shame, shame... Your love is such a dream, dream, dream."
10	"I try not to let my drug-dealing interfere with my study-habits."
11	"FLOPS per cubic foot... that's how I want to buy my computers!"
12	"I want to go to a normal high school! One with pregnant cheerleaders and metal detectors!"
13	"What am I supposed to do with a computer so primitive it can't read my thoughtwaves?"
14	"It's a Harley... a Harley compatible."
15	"Corrupting Indiana's finest young women since 1991!"
16	"It's 2am there's 4000 lines of code, eight pieces of hardware; it's six hours til I have to be awake, it's dark and I'm wearing sunglasses." -- Kira Brown
17	"Mhz is the benchmark for childhood head injury victims... you will notice they never mention SPECrate or anything!"
18	"Disproving myths about Corvette owners one girl at a time since 1998."
19	"I smell like an ashtray owned by the Greatful Dead."
20	"I personally would like to die with the experience of booting a PDP-8 from the front panel." - <Kp2>
21	"Happiness is drinking other people's beer!"
22	"Man, talking about an ex can COMPLETELY eliminate the urge to beat off." -- Bill Bradford
23	"There are millions of fine looking women in this world and not every one will bring you lasanga at work. Most will just cheat on you" -- Silent Bob
24	"Linux is to the computer industry what the karaoke bars is to humanity... the closest thing to armageddon known to man."
25	"I am... I am... I am Superman... and I can do anything." -- REM
26	"[High shcool] has a pecking order that makes the caste system look forgiving." -- <a href=http://thyla.org>Thyla</a>
27	"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, pinky?"
	"Yeah, but where can we get a Mac and a copy of Xenix at this time of night?"
28	"Holy smokes! You need booze!" -- Dr. Nick Riviera
29	"I saw a female sargeant that could make anyone's privates stand at attention!" -- Bill Blum (Sorry Bill, I know you don't wanna get in trouble, but I have to give credit where credit is due!)
30	"You can't just grow old alone. Quitters lose. People that try get laid." -- <Canine>
31	"But honestly, why would I need a building as a shrine? Then the sacrifices and gifts can't be correctly offered or performed. I mean, what's the use in sacrificing a cute female virgin, on a cold marble altar, when she can just sacrifice her virginity with me???" -- Anders
32	"We all remember Mrs. Robinson but none of us remember Benjamin Braddock. We all remember Lolita but we all forget Humbert."
33	"Meals Ready to Eat-- three lies in one!"
34	"I kind of like SGI's "Funk Soul Brother" remix of the Motif widgets."
35	"Silly slashdotters, UNIX is for gorwn-ups!"
36	"I've found you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that you'd better have a big weenie or huge boobs!"
37	"One of the best uses for the Book of Mormon is to scare the Jehovah's Witnessess off real quick!" -- <Gecka>
38	"There is nothing more embarassing than making a booty call to the wrong girl." -- Erich (<needo>)
39	"Can you hammer a spike through a six inch board with your penis?" "Not right now." "Well, a girl has got to have her standards, you know?" -- "Real Genius"
40	"When there is a revolution, do they say Serf's up?" -- <a href=http://www.theoddsock.com>Alice Conrad</a> <SunBug>
41	"You know, it's really unnerving to have your mother-in-law ICQ you while you're looking an internet porn." -- <a href="http://www.pinaeus.com">Charles Pineaus</a> <Scutter>
42	"EQ is the worst thing to happen to interpersonal relationships since crack cocaine." -- <a href=http://www.ronin-reserach.org>Ardaniel Aran Sunhemmer</a>
43	 "And this visit by the TMI Fairy was brought to you by the letters B and D, and by the number 69" -- Phil Turner
44	"Black fish, Goth fish
	Geek fish, BOFH fish"
	 -- Dr Suess as an admin -- Phil Turner
45	"Tractors are great. They never get stuck. Until they do. Then you're fucked." --<a href=http://www.pedxing.org>Jay</a>
46	"Valley girls don't use BSD."
47	<A href="http://www.holwegner.com">Shawn</a>: "Dude, the only way you'd bag an 18 year old is with a cool car."
	Jon: "Why do you think I own not one, but <a href=/vette>two corvettes</a>."
48	"Sparcs may not be able to cook, but you can't init 5 a wife. Though I wish I could..." -- <a href=mailto:ed at the7thbeer.com>ed at the7thbeer.com</a>
49	"My housemate is a major Rush fan. He knows more about them than I do Internet porn." -- <Paladine>
50	"Women are easy to study, if you have the right field of mathematics: sadistics." -- <Tara_Li>
51	"Great, I have a trig mid-term tomorrow and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp!"
52	"How can you come over to Katz's house on New Year's Eve and not expect to hear anything perverted?"
53	<a href=http://www.theoddsock.com>Alice</a>: "[Jon, last night you ranted] basically that a woman will bleed you dry for all your money and leave you, a broken lonely shell of a man"
	Jon:"Sounds about right."
	Alice: "So is that a c shell or a bash shell?"
	Jon: "Korn"
54	Jon: I'm upset. I met this cool chick at a club last night and I lost the paper she wrote her number on!
	<a href=http://www.david.com>David</a>: PALM. Write the numbers on your palm!
	Jon: My hand or palm pilot?
55	"IRC Clients should have breathalyzers."
56	<newbie> Does Irix come with system monitoring tools?
	<Jon> Yeah, all versions of Unix ship with a vmstat command.
	<Tom> rofl
	<newbie> OK, vmstat and rofl, anything else?
57	"#@$@#$@# Dry shit! That's what I get for letting my roommate buy the weed." -- Dylan
58	"I can't stand Jamie on the on the basis that's she's shallow and annoying as fuck. But from a purely physical point of view, I'd lick her like a tootsiepop." -- Josh
59	"The day I want Shawn proud of me will be the day I dunk my nuts in battery acid while singing "Yellow Rose of Texas"." -- Greg
60	"The three most beautiful words in the English language are not "I love you" rather, "She's not pregnant."" -- Josh
61	"Oh well I guess one good thing about being hopelessly single is that I don't have to spend tons of cash except on my own toys. Which of course are a nicer investment because machines dont dump you." -- Bill Schaub
62	"I imagine five years from now, someone will ask her about her scar, and she'll say something about doing too much LCD in her youth." -- Bill Blum on <a href=http://bugged1.com/car>the accident</a>.
64	"Kids dig the one in the <a href="http://www.americantruss.com/orgz/anarchy/ext/secrets.html">blue box</a> because it's the cheesiest" A <a href=http://www.kraft.com>Kraft dinner</a> ad with a phreaky double-entendre.
65	"I thought VMS was a venerial disease!" <Conkle>
66	"If Jesus were to edit our tacacs file, I'd smack his ass down for not using RCS." -- Greg
67	"Jason would try slipping 30pin simms into the stripper's g-string!" -- Josh
68	"I've never forgiven him for thinking I was a bot the first time he saw me on efnet" -- Amy on her fiance Bill.
69	"Sure, and a Porsche 911 will beat a dump truck in the quarter mile every time... unless, of course, you put 20 tons of dirt on each of them."
70	"Data flows about/meaningless rows with no use/a cartesian join"  -- A database haiku by Llarian
71	"There is probably not a single person on this grubby planet who holds a Ph.D. in physics but doesn't own at least one pair of rubber ears - and if you really want to stump the attendees of any Star Trek convention, interrupt some conversation about subatomic particles or time travel to ask them who won last year's Superbowl ... or how to get a date."
72	"Jon, I'm telling you, one of these days you're going to catch something from all that unfing." -- Sam McAdams
73	"I liked one of my ex's in a 2 piece. 1 piece was the left sock. Other was the right sock." -- <nachtfae>
74	"And remember kids, "uNF!" is an anagram for "fun"  =)" -- <a href=http://www.llarian.net>Dylan</a>
75	Josh: "Play it by ear/mouth?"
	Jon: "Ear, mouth, tongue... usually when her pants are on the floor of your bedroom you know for sure [how she feels about you]."
76	"This isn't a beer belly, it's a gas tank for a sex machine!" -- John
77	"I had a 3 hour conversation with a girl in French on IRC the other night. I don't speak a word of French. I love <a href=http://www.babelfish.com>babelfish</a>." -- Wildcard
78	Jon: I know of nothing right now [tech jobs available]
	Anthony: Yeah... tech is fucked like an 18 year old virgin on e-bay.


-Jon