[geeks] What not to do..

[Bill Bradford]

Saw this on Lowbrow (www.lowbrow.com - you'll get addicted) and just
HAD to pass it on:

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One day I made the mistake of admitting that I eat meat on a P.C.
mailing list, and some vegan created the subject line of a thread to
reflect disgust with me, complete with my name spelled wrong and a
"blecch" emoticon. That subject line persisted for almost two months!
Longest-lived thread I'd ever seen!

Well, after repeated polite requests to change the subject line, I
finally got fed up (on sirloin and beer, I believe...) and posted the
following:

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Okay, fine. I eat filth. I eat everything in sight and I look like
Jabba the Hut. I also pick my nose in the car next to you at the stop
light. I fart in elevators. I was the one who used the last of the TP
and didn't replace the roll. The IRS was my idea, and so was Y2K. The
gum you just stepped in was mine, and if you picked it off with your
fingers, I have the flu. I drained your car battery and let the air out
of your tire late at night in the rain. I'm ahead of you in the
cash-only express line at the grocery store and it's my pleasure to get
price checks on every one of the 45 items I've carefully selected which
have neither price tags nor scannable bar codes, argue with the manager
about how many coupons I can use for a pack of Certs, then pay with a
credit card which is no good. I remove every "Do Not Remove This Tag"
tag I see, and litter them about on the floor. I run with scissors and
don't play well with others, nor do I use my time wisely. I pull the
wings off butterflies to stop the "Butterfly Effect" and speed global 
warming. I teach science to American students. I put the eyelash in your 
eye and made you bite your tongue; your funny bone is very funny to me. 
I overdrew your checking account and charged your credit card payments 
to the card with 21% interest and no grace period. I am the source of 
all junk mail, and when the occasional letter carrier discovers the 
truth, I make him go, well, postal. I design child safety seats, war 
toys, anorexic fashion dolls, and I'm just finishing up a book "Extreme 
Parenting: Pushing Your Child 23 Hours a Day for Success!" I park 
sideways across both handicapped spaces. I told Saddam that nukes are 
just like really big fireflies and are a really good solution to the 
recycling problem just after I assured Mr. Gates that everyone would 
love to pay a yearly fee for the privilege of using a buggy pseudo 
operating system. I took Barney's 13-strand DNA and made the 
Teletubbies. Pleased to meet you, I'm the Beast and proud of it. 

Two of those sentences are true. Change the damn subject line.

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That served to transmute the thread into a discussion of conspiracy
theories, of all things!

- kthernandez at hotmail.com
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-- 
Bill Bradford
mrbill at mrbill.net
Austin, TX