OT: Idiot Accountants (was re: [geeks] combatting smokers)

[Jonathan C. Patschke]

On Tue, 18 Jun 2002, Michael A. Turner wrote:
>
> 	As for a real solution, with added health benefits. Invest in a HEPA
> filter (not an ionic one, ionic is bad) and use that. Not only will it clear
> the smoke but it will also clear most allergens. 

*chuckle*

This is probably better-uttered in ASR, but I can't think of a HEPA or
ionic filter anymore without thinking of a particular "power lunch" back
at my previous job.  The meeting involved $PHB, the CFO (a total
bimbo[1]), our cable/physicals guy, and myself.

$PHB bought oodles of useless DC-powered dialup kit on a whim[2], and
demanded that I make it work with the network and that the cable/physicals
guy get power for it in a way that would make $CFO happy.  $CFO refused to
pay for DC power at the colo[3]; $PHB knew this before purchasing said
kit. Getting it to work on the nyetwork wouldn't be a problem if we didn't
mind rolling back our dialup customers to 28.8kbaud; $PHB seemed to be
happy with this prospect[4], since it'd save on bandwidth consumption on
the uplink.  Note that this was in 2001.

So, the only problem was power.  $cableGuy had done power before, and I
had priced power before.  Anyone that has considered DC power knows of the
costs and building-code restrictions involved with battery banks and
chargers, as well as the time that -must- be allotted for battery
maintenance.  There was no way in hell that we could pull this off in
three 19" racks on the fourth floor of an office building.

$PHB was unconvinced, and $CFO demanded to know exactly why we couldn't
stick 10 or 20 lead-acid batteries and a charger in an unventilated (as
in, no vent to the outside) room that shares an air-return with five
offices and a restaurant.  $cableGuy and I tried to explain that the fumes
are toxic and that insufficient air flow is a safety hazard and fire
hazard.

$CFO started filling out a purchase order right there at the table.
Bewildered, since we'd just cited all sorts of building and fire codes
that wouldn't allow us to pull this off, we asked what she was planning on
ordering.

  "One of those ionic-breeze things.  If they can't smell it, they'll
   never know it's there, and if they can't smell the fumes, it won't be
   a health hazard, anyway."

After $cableGuy and I managed to retain our composure, we tried to explain
1) The potential dangers of having highly-ionized air near battery banks
and 2) That Just Won't Work.

$CFO and $PHB didn't see the problem.  I had to get the manager of the
colo to tell $CFO "if you do this, you may pick up your equipment at the
curb".

I swear, I'm going to be in therapy for a loooong time recovering from
that intellectual vacuum.

--Jonathan
[1] That's not a term I use lightly.  This woman actually had a habit of 
    saying "I'm blonde.  I don't have to know/understand that."  Really,
    the combined IQ of the paperweights on her desk would make her look
    dumb.
[2] No, there was no other way kit was purchased.
[3] Not the one that Bill works next to--the other one: the rathole in
    downtown Austin)
[4] Pay no attention to that "guaranteed 56kb/s service" logo on the web
    site.