[geeks] baby stuff

[Beth Roberts]

Amy wrote:
> I've seen too many undisciplined brats running amuck lately. (or maybe
> it's just Austin, the water is pretty funky here as you know)

<ObUnsolicitedParentingAdvice>
As the parent of a very bright and shall we say, "independent-minded" child,
I would like to step forward and state that it's definitely one of those
things that *looks* a hell of a lot easier from the outside than it really
is.

That said, when I'm out in public with my daughter and she's being annoying
/ naughty / inconsolable / downright pissy, I use the following technique:

I say out loud the basics of what I'm thinking and feeling, so as to fend
off frustration, vent (thus preserving my sanity), and demonstrate to the
peanut gallery that I have both a clue and a heart.

F'rinstance, at the grocery store I might say something like: "No, Elena,
you cannot have that candy bar. You already had a $SPECIAL_TREAT and the
lady is done scanning our stuff and we're in a hurry to get out of here.
Come back. Come back *NOW*. [I pick her up, she screams and whines and kicks
me and yells for me to put her down] Well, if you don't want me to pick you
up, you have to come stay by me when I tell you to, because it's dangerous
and you get in people's way and that's rude, okay? [she pouts] I'm sorry,
but that's the way it is, and I know you don't like it. You don't have to
like it. I love you, but you really frustrate me sometimes. [I kiss her on
the head]".

If she's being a real stinker, I make a mental note to avoid taking her to a
store again for awhile. I can get away with this because I'm a part-time
mom, so I can schedule errands around her visits if need be.

I am thoroughly amazed at people who can successfully wrangle multiple
children in a crowded capitalistic maelstrom. Really.

Those marketing and advertising bastards have us all outgunned - all those
bright colors, child-friendly drugs (sugar, caffeine, pringle's [tm],
cartoon characters), so carefully placed where little hands can grab them
and shove them into the cart while you're not looking. Gah! And they have
huge budgets so they can afford to focus-group test all this stuff for
maximum impact. And they're very, very good at what they do.

Here's some of my strategy, distilled:
- Be polite whenever possible, and err on the side of apologizing too much
to people your child is unknowingly rude to. People seem to appreciate that
you care enough to do this, I've found.
- Be firm when politeness doesn't work.
- Try bribery. Where we would be without this wonderful tool, I dunno. I
don't wanna know.
- Try distraction. Thank $DEITY for short attention spans.
- Vent when necessary, to prevent uncontrolled explosions.
- If nothing is working, call "Game Over" and hightail it home for a big-ass
Time Out. Leave the cart in the store. Plug your ears to the crying.
Children survive tantrums okay. You are not the worst parent in the world.
Repeat that out loud over and over to yourself if necessary. So far, I
haven't had to call on this technique, but I'm told it works wonders...
</ObUnsolicitedParentingAdvice>

Disclaimer: I'm seriously deficient of clue and only have limited experience
with one three-year-old girl, but this is what I've learned so far that
seems to work for me, at least mostly.

-Beth, who *will* require prospective parents to get a license when she runs
her own planet