[geeks] falling in love with my wife, v2.0

[bill pointon]

im really happy that things are working out for the better for you guys 
and have no problem with amy being back on the lists -- i have missed 
some of her insights and female perspective on some things  and would 
just like to say "welcome back amy" -- and there aint nothing sappy 
about being human ---- billp

On Monday, May 20, 2002, at 04:55 , Bill Bradford wrote:

> Warning: long sappy story ahead.  Ignore if you're more concerned about 
> NFS
> packets or OpenGL acceleration.
>
> Over the past week, I've fallen in love with my wife, for the second 
> time.
>
> I met Amy in February of 1998.  We met on an IRC channel, and were also 
> both
> members of a mailing list I ran at the time (SWGoths; a group that I am 
> no
> longer associated with).  Anyway, we ran into each other on IRC.  I 
> was a
> server operator at the time, and almost /killed (disconnected) her 
> because
> I thought her nickname (TurtleX) was a bot (automation).
>
> Luckily for me, I hesitated.  She handed me a cookie.  Things went 
> downhill
> from there. 8-)  (just kidding)
>
> We've been together since 1998.  For all of that time, we've basically 
> been
> married in each other's eyes, but we only officially did all the 
> paperwork
> and exchanged rings, etc, just a bit over a year ago (March 31st, 2001, 
> in
> Chattanooga, TN).  Only difference really is that we have rings now and 
> if
> we ever get divorced, she gets half my shit. 8-)
>
> Anyway.. For the past couple of years, behind the scenes, things aint 
> been
> going so well in Bradfordland.  We went from starcrossed lovers fucking 
> like
> wild monkeys, to basically being roommates that happened to sleep in 
> the same
> bed.  People talk about the spark going out - well, this one was hit by 
> a full
> load of halon.  We fought.  (about everything.. money, cars, stuf she
> wanted, stuff I wanted... everything).  Nothing ever seemed to help.  We
> were both cranky.  As I said, basically we just shared a house.
>
> In February 2001, things started to get better.  I was diagnosed in late
> November 2000 with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), which explained my 
> LOUD
> (not just loud, but LOUD - the sleep study tech called it "Extreme", and
> they see people snoring for a living) snoring, so bad that Amy had 
> started
> to sleep in a separate room.  It also explained my constant being 
> exhausted -
> I would sleep 12 hours, but then get up and fall asleep in the shower, 
> or
> while typing.  Nothing more embarrasing than the head of your 
> department at
> work waking you up because your head is on your keyboard and its 
> beeping and
> everyone around you is looking into your cube...
>
> Anyway.. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  They called it "severe".  
> Normal
> diagnosis..  Sleep apnea is when you have 4 to 7 "events" (obstruction 
> of
> breath, stopping of breath, etc) an hour.  Insurance kicks in and pays 
> for
> treatment at 47 events/hour.  They "clocked" me at 112/hour.  I was 
> getting
> NO (none at all) REM sleep, and got down to 87% oxygen blood saturation 
> (where
> normal is 98% or so).  This had been going on as long as I could 
> remember, but
> started getting extreme (the exhaustion) around 1998.
>
> In February 2001, they finally got the insurance bit sorted out, and 
> put me
> on a CPAP (constant positive air pressure) mask.  This is basically a 
> mask
> that I wear over my nose (or with two "nozzles" inserted directly into 
> my
> nostrils, making a seal) that blows pressurized air (12cm) into my 
> airway
> while I sleep at night, keeping it open and letting me breathe 
> normally.  Not
> only does this stop my snoring, but it lets me get full deep REM sleep, 
> and
> get rest "like a normal person".  The first night i was on it, Amy came 
> in
> to check on me three or four times, fearing that I was dead because she
> didnt hear ANYTHING - no snoring, etc, at all.  Thats how different it 
> was.
> I slept four hours that first night, and got up feeling like I was on 
> crack
> and had drank a pot of espresso.  Everything was bright and shiny 
> again.  I
> had energy.  I could live life again.
>
> I've been on CPAP since then.  Minor annoyance at times, but we've 
> gotten used
> to it, and its worth it.  I dont care if I look like darth vader at 
> night -
> i can sleep, and that makes it worth it.  The reason I mention it is an 
> example
> of how something very relatively simple can make a HUGE change in 
> someone's
> life.. Modern medical technology is a great thing.  We'll both tell you 
> that -
> read on for the other side of the story.
>
> On to Amy.  Things were fine after we met.. for a while.. Then, she 
> started
> to get cranky.  Irritiable.  Downright bitchy and mean occasionally.  
> we'd
> have bad fights - but nothing that would make either one of us leave; 
> we're
> both too stubborn for that.  We'd be screaming at each other, then ten 
> minutes
> later, "hey, lets go for ice cream... " "okay!"  However, despite the 
> good
> times, we had just as many bad times.. caused by a lot of things, from 
> my
> bad habit of spending too much time on the computer, to being cranky in 
> the
> mornings, to her being self-centered and bossy and demanding.  We got
> married a year ago, after I got on the CPAP, but that didnt solve 
> things -
> we still fought, but not as often.. discontent was still present.  We 
> got
> married because we both love each other - we both knew SOMETHING was 
> wrong, but
> didnt know what it was or how to go about fixing it.  We both beleived 
> that
> whatever it was, we could find it and fix it.
>
> The discontent wasnt restricted to here at home - it flowed out onto the
> mailing lists (or whatever/whoever was the nearest target) as well.  
> You've
> seen it - one minute Amy would be fine, and the next minute she'd be 
> mean,
> viciously ripping someone to shreds over a tiny insignificant detail.  I
> chalked it up to "amy just being amy", she would be like "hey, I'm 
> honest,
> fucking deal with it, I'm not going to change."
>
> Two months ago, however, things started to explain themselves.  Amy went
> to a doctor for strep throat.  The nurse who saw her took a look at her
> and asked if Amy had ever heard of or been diagnosed with PCOS 
> (Polycystic
> Ovarian Syndrome).  She said no, she'd never heard of it, and never been
> looked at for it.  An appointment was made with a local endocrinologist
> to have some exams and tests done.
>
> (in short, they sucked, so she went to a different doctor..)
>
> On May 5th, the second set of test results came back from the labs.  
> More
> or less, they ruled out everything severe, and confirmed what the adult
> nurse had suspected from ten seconds of looking at her and one line on a
> medical chart - Amy had PCOS.
>
> PCOS is more or less an endocrine disorder.  She doesent get enough 
> estrogen
> (female hormones) in her system.  Therefore, the testosterone that *is* 
> in
> her system (yes, women have it too, just not as much as men) dominated 
> her
> personality.  Instead of being nice and sweet and feminine, she was a 
> raging
> pissed-off bitch.  Without the estrogen to "balance" things out, she was
> basically having permanent eternal PMS.  This went on for *decades* 
> before a
> kind nurse saw something and made a suggestion.  That kind suggestion 
> ended up
> changing her life - and mine too - for the better.
>
> The endocrinologist put her on a standard normal cycle of birth control 
> pills,
> which has balanced out and returned her hormone levels to "normal".
>
> Within 48 hours of her getting on these pills, it was amazing.  She was
> COMPLETELY different.  I even asked her once, "Okay, who are you, and 
> what
> have you done with my wife?"  She was SO nice, SO different from 
> before, that
> I got *paranoid*.  I was convinced that she was just being nice to me 
> for some
> other reaosn, that she wanted something or was hiding something.  Good 
> to say,I was totally wrong. 8-)  The Amy that I remembered, that I had 
> originally
> fallen in love with four years ago, was back.  She's nice.  She's 
> kind.  She
> greets me at the door after work with a hug and a Coke with ice.   
> Heck, she
> doesent even yell at the pets anymore!  She says that now its *hard* to 
> get
> mad - when before, something even minorly out of whack would cause her 
> to
> completely fly off the handle without reason and be a raging bitch.  
> From
> talking about things, apparently when we first fell in love, the 
> endorphins
> served the same function as estrogen - and "masked off" the anger and
> temper she had.. so when we "settled down", that went away, and she was 
> no
> longer "balanced"....  Mentally, figuratively, physically, everything.
>
> Over the past couple of weeks, I've fallen in love with my wife all over
> again.  Its like a different world - she's less grouchy; in return I'm 
> less
> grouchy.  We get along better.  We TALK A HELL OF A LOT MORE.  LOTS 
> more.
> We laugh.  We cuddle (yeah, like you wanted to know that).  We go 
> driving
> around just to explore.  I teach her about cars (soon to be stick-shift
> driving lessons) and old 1970s computers.  She teaches me about her 
> favorite
> music.
>
> Its an entirely new world.  Its amazing.  THE SUN IS SHINING AGAIN.  
> I've
> fallen back in love with my wife.  She's fallen back in love with me.  
> Things
> couldnt be much better at this point, I think.
>
> I know in the past that Amy's temper has caused some "dissention in the
> ranks" here on the geeks list (and rescue too, for that matter).  People
> have unsubscribed, or been forcibly unsubscribed, because of her pure 
> anger
> on what should be minor debates or fun discussions.  I dont blame 
> them - keep
> in mind that I had to LIVE with it from day to day, and not just in 
> email.
> I had stuff thrown at me (fortunately, her aim sucks!) 8-)  (had to 
> replace a
> couple of remote controls, though..)
>
> I know these are "my" lists.  I know that I can do whatever I want with 
> them.
> However, you guys (and gals) are a community.  I value this community, 
> because
> I dont have many friends - you people are my friends and family.  I 
> value your
> opinions and thoughts.
>
> I've come to ask.  Would anyone mind if Amy comes back on the geeks 
> and/or
> rescue mailing lists?  I miss her commentary, and female point of view 
> on
> a lot of the things we talk about.  I talk to her every day - but 
> enjoyed
> her being on the lists as well.  I promise you that her blinding furious
> anger is GONE now - she's a completely different person (and will freely
> admit this to anyone who asks).
>
> I'm asking as another list member, not as the guy who runs everything.
> I dont consider myself a dictator, or anything like that - I just 
> happen to
> be the person whose machine everything is hosted from.
>
> So, what do you say?  Thoughts, comments, anything, appreciated.  Please
> feel free to let me know, either here, or private email.
>
> Thanks for listening to my huge long 160-line rant.  Other than Amy, you
> people are some of my only friends.
>
> Bill
>
> (footnotes: http://www.apneanet.org and http://www.pcos.net, for more
>  information on our conditions..)
>
> --
> Bill Bradford
> mrbill at mrbill.net
> Austin, TX
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