[geeks] Why I hate Verizon Online

[Phil Stracchino]

Thursday:
It's up.  It's up.  It's up ... no, it's down.  No, it's up again.  It's
up.  No, wait, it's down.  No, wait, it's back up again.

Friday:
It's up.  It's up.  It's up ... no, it's down.  No, it's up again.  It's
up.  No, wait, it's down.  Still down.  Still down.  Call Verizon.  "No,
we don't have any outages in your area.  Well ... OK.  Maybe just a
little one.  They're working on it.  They'll fix it.  Soon.  Maybe.  We
think."

Saturday:
Hey, it's been up all day!  No, wait, it's down.  No, it's up again.
No, wait, it's down.  And up, and down.  No, wait, it's back up again.

Sunday:
Lather, rinse, repeat.

Monday:
Same same.  Up most of the day, goes down for the count just before
supper.  Watch /var/log/daemon on yama.  Watch pppd trying endlessly to
log in.  Watch Verizon servers rejecting the connection.

"No, don't know that account, never heard of it."

Call Verizon again.

"No, there's nothing wrong this side, your line is fine."
"It's not the line, it's the PPP server, it's refusing authentication.
I can see it in my logs."
"Oh, sorry, if it's not connected to Windows or a Mac, we can't help you."
"Is this the Windows support department?"
"Yes."
"That's not what I wanted.  I chose 'Other Operating Systems'.  Can you
transfer me to your Unix support group please, or escalate me to a level
3 engineer in the NOC?  I've talked to them before, they were helpful."
"We only support Windows and mac.  We don't have a Unix support department."
"Yes you do!"
"No, we don't.  We only support Windows and Mac."
"I've talked to them before!  Several times!"
"No you didn't."

(I swear, it's like a Monty Python skit.  Iths the Cheese Shop crossed
with the Argument Clinic.  Or maybe the Argument Clinic and the parrot
sketch.)

Finally get technician to agree to transfer me up a tier.  Sit on hold
for ten minutes before Verizon hangs up on me.

In desperation, disconnect the DSL bridge from yama (the
router/firewall/DHCP server, a Sun Ultra5 running OpenBSD) and connect
it to the second gigabit interface on vorlon (my Athlon64 gamebox
running GameOS).  Switch the DSL bridge into PPPoE router mode.  Try to
connect, using exact same authentication data.

"Oh, THAT account."  Connection comes up.

Drop connection.  Switch DSL bridge back into bridging mode.  Start
WinPPPoE service.  Start WinPPPoE dialer.  Connection comes back up.

Disconnect DSL bridge from vorlon.  Plug cable from yama back in.
Restart pppd.  Watch connection come back up on the first try.

"Well, you know, when you tried to authenticate before, I thought you
were, well, some OTHER account.  With the same account name and, well,
the same password.
"Only, you know, ... different.
"... What are you looking at me like that for?"

I hate Verizon Online.  I really do.  They insist on trying to be an
ISP, but they're SO BAD at it.


-- 
 Same geek, same site, new location
 Phil Stracchino                     Landline: 603-429-0220
 phil.stracchino at speakeasy.net         Mobile: 603-216-7037
 Renaissance Man, Unix generalist, Perl hacker, Free Stater