[rescue] Sigh

[James Lockwood]

Consolidating to save replies.

On Fri, 7 Jun 2002, Joshua D Boyd wrote:

> Well, if it is the parents of the groom, I wouldn't count on much
> other than a lot of time and labor being donated.

This can help tremendously.  Labor costs are a very large portion.

My wife and I paid for our own wedding.  We'd already joined our finances
about two years before when there was a tax benefit for doing so, BUT:

My mother in-law made the wedding dress and acted as photographer.
My parents and family prepared all of the food except the cake.
My father in-law helped to decorate and get flowers (landscaper).
A friend of the family officiated (Universal Life Church).
Our friends included a few extremely skilled pianists who traded off
playing during the festivities.
We rented a University facility (banquet hall) that I got a discount on as
an employee.

The secret is telling people that they don't have to lavish you with gifts
if they help out.  It takes a lot of stress off of you as well.  Our only
out of pocket cash was for rings, the cake, the hall, and my tux.

No, Vegas is not romantic.  If you really want to travel across the
country I'd recommend San Francisco (touristy but fun), Santa Barbara
(surfs up!) or any one of a zillion places in the mountains if you just
want some time alone and with nature.

> I actually hoping to go ring shopping at lunch time today.  I'm want
> to look into a custom made engagement ring.  A simple diamond solitare

Never saw the point of engagement rings myself, but then again my wife
asked me to marry her, not the other way around.  After jabbering
incoherently for a few minutes she said she'd ask again in a month.

Don't be surprised if she feels "put on the spot".  It's a tough spot to
be in!


On Fri, 7 Jun 2002, Kevin Loch wrote:

> Are you planning on having kids right away?  If not, I recommend
> not getting married right away.  Especially if you're young (in
> college).  You'll be surprised how things change over the next 10 years.

Things change, but as unromantic as it is, it's easier to dissolve a
marriage than a house or a family with kids.  It also can have positive
legal and tax consequences depending on your situation.

On the flip side, you get out of marriage exactly what you are willing to
put into it.  Don't expect anything to magically change, because it
doesn't.

Final note on spending big bucks: remember that the single biggest reason
that couples split isn't infidelity.  It's not violence.  It's money.

-James